


In a Wild, Wild World

by noteasilyoffended



Category: Life Is Strange 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Sex, Dry Humping, Grief/Mourning, Hand Jobs, Incest, Jealousy, Loss of Innocence, M/M, Morning Wood, Oral Sex, Possessive Behavior, Puberty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2020-02-04 10:03:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18602290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noteasilyoffended/pseuds/noteasilyoffended
Summary: Things were different now, and they only had each other.





	1. Chapter 1

"Focus on my heartbeat," Sean whispered over the crackling fire, and Daniel nodded in his arms, head pressed back into his wolf squad hoodie. It smelled like him, like the dark messy room he'd been told countless times to get out of, like the detergent their father used in their laundry. "You won't have another nightmare while I'm here, okay? I got you."

It wasn't easy to sleep on a thin blanket under some rocky overhang they'd found by the river. This wasn't camping, Daniel knew, but he didn't know what else it could be. Camping was supposed to be fun: scary stories and handmade s'mores, card games and junk food eaten straight from the bag.

They'd be halfway there if Dad was with them. And if Sean stopped frowning every time he thought Daniel couldn't see his face.

"Hey, Sean...?"

"Daniel, c'mon." Sean's chin rested atop his head. "Get some sleep."

"I know, I know. Just... Can you try to take some more pictures with your phone? So we can show Dad all the cool things we've done once we get back?"

The silence that followed was deafening. Daniel wondered if Sean had fallen asleep behind him.

"Yeah..." he heard eventually, faint and wavering. "Yeah, we can... Go to sleep now, though, okay? Don't you know Creepers can spawn in the dark? If they blow up our beds, we're screwed."

Soft giggles buckled under a yawn. The hoodie against his back smelled so much like home, but when exhaustion took over, Sean was right; he didn't suffer nightmares again. He didn't remember much about his dreams upon waking with the morning sun baking down on their campsite. There wasn't much time to remember while being smushed to the ground.

The arm that had held him through the night was now pinning him. One of Sean's legs was draped heavy over both of his own. Sandwiched between his brother and their paper-thin substitute for a bed, the younger squirmed for some leeway before freezing.

The more he moved, the more he noticed a fullness between his thighs he'd never felt before that flared upon shifting his legs under Sean's. A pressure in the pit of his stomach that wasn't hunger, just like this was sleeping outside but wasn't camping. He'd peed before going to bed, but even then, it never felt like  _this_ when he had to pee.

Everything was warm and heavy and confusing, and only half of it made any sense.

"Sean?" He flinched at a twitch in his boxers when his brother moved against him from behind. "Um..."

"Mmm..." Sean groaned into his hair, voice rough with sleep. "Ten more minutes, kay? I'll get you chocolate today, promise..."

If anything, Sean pulled him closer, tucking against his backside, and he held back a gasp at the pleasant thrill that jolted up his core. The tiniest movements against him felt nice in a way he didn't understand, a way he couldn't explain. Sean wasn't awake enough to explain it to him.

He quietly accepted it like everything else they'd faced over the past couple days. And like everything else that confused him, all the questions about Dad, their home, their impromptu camping trip, it was pushed to the back of his mind and forgotten as soon as it faded away.

* * *

"So... girls bleed. From there. And start to get, like... boobs, right? But, for _guys_..." Sean sighed and passed a hand over his hair. Daniel's face burned red-hot in guilt. "Did Dad really never talk to you about this?"

The mention of Dad made his heart seize up. It still didn't feel real, like a hazy memory from a year-old dream. He kind of hoped it would stay that way.

He gripped handfuls of crisp motel sheets on the bed he'd shared last night with Sean, the bed he'd won through rock-paper-scissors closest to the TV. The bed he'd woken up in after another accident in his sleep forced him to shake Sean awake in panic.

"Not really..." he mumbled now. "But I've seen pictures online."

"What did you see?"

"Like... boobs..." Sean's laughter made his face burn twice as hot, as if it wasn't embarrassing enough already. His thighs were itchy in his jeans from scrubbing at them in the shower. His freshly-cleaned boxers hung drying over the towel rack in the motel bathroom. "Well, I saw people have sex, too! So I know what it looks like!"

The way Sean's smile slowly fell made him feel even guiltier. Mushroom crawled close and nuzzled his thigh as if she could sense his mood.

"Really? Man, that's not... Ugh." Sean sighed. "So you know like... a guy's dick then. Like, boners and stuff. Outside from sex, sometimes guys get like... God, how do parents do this...?"

Daniel squirmed on the bed, legs crossed tight, more uncomfortable than ever. He watched Sean reach to grab his phone from the bedside table for some help and stop when he realized it was no longer there. The stilted, one-sided conversation that followed ended with Daniel pressing his face to the mattress and mumbling out one-word responses.

"Yeah. So. You're not weird. And there's nothing to cry about, enano." Sean touched his hair, soft and fond. "This is just your body, like. Getting ready to be a man. And if it happens again, well... We'll talk about that later. Okay?"

"Okaaaaay!" Daniel groaned into the bed sheets. His boxers couldn't dry fast enough. "So..." he peeked up, "this happens to you, too then? In your sleep?"

"Dude. It gets so much worse. You have NO idea."

"...Gross."

* * *

Sean was a silhouette against the dim firelight leaking in from the main room of their cabin. Shadows obscured his face, but Daniel hadn't seen it in more than a day anyway. Any words he thought to say now tasted bitter in his mouth, clogged up by the lump in his throat that had formed when Sean had left.

The nylon flooring of his stolen tent was cool against his cheek. Mushroom kicked in her sleep and scratched his hand, and it hurt like everything else did.

"I'm home," Sean told him gently, cross-legged on the cold wooden floor. He glanced over his shoulder to the doorway separating them from the main room of the cabin, where their thin mattress was shoved against the wall by the fireplace. Daniel wondered if he really thought of this as home. "Daniel...?"

He should be happy that Sean got them food, excited at the thought of something warm in his belly after starving for days. The truth is he had laid here in his tent too worried to fall asleep, taking glances out the cabin door every other hour, and wondering if Sean would even come back or leave him forever like Esteban did. It had been a long twenty-two hours alone.

"We were both trash pandas, I guess." Daniel heard the smile in his voice and felt a tug on his raccoon hoodie. "Man, you're so cute in that thing it could be a weapon of mass destruction. Forget the telekinesis. Uh, speaking of which, was that you who-"

"I broke some shit," he muttered, staring sideways at a patch of dirt on Sean's pants. "I mean, some stuff. While you were gone."

Sean's lips parted like he wanted to say something that never quite made it out. His hoodie smelled less like Esteban's detergent and more like dirt and old smoke by now. Daniel breathed it in when Sean lifted his limp body from the tent and carried him from the room bridal-style. Mushroom awoke at the loss of her best friend and trailed behind.

"We need to sit and go over some rules. Was that all you did? Be _honest_."

"And... it happened again. That stupid thing we talked about." The small fire he'd struggled to make by himself had almost burned out in the fireplace. Dirty cans Sean had brought back from his trip bulged from his backpack onto their makeshift table. "I didn't know what to do, so I just waited 'til it stopped."

"I told you! Go to the bathroom and do what I said until you feel better."

"You weren't here, though," Daniel muttered, glaring out the sliding glass door. Fat snowflakes began to flutter down from the dark gray sky. " _You_ could have helped me feel better."

"I... I can't help you, Daniel. Not with that." Sean laid him down on their worn mattress and turned to sort out their food. "Look, do it yourself like we talked about, okay? And I won't leave you again unless I have to. I'm sorry. Do you really hate me that much? Because I got us both food?"

Daniel didn't answer. Mushroom hopped onto the bed and crawled back into his arms.

"Dad would have helped me."

Sean paused in the middle of stacking cans of ravioli in the kitchen cabinet. "...What?"

" _Dad_ would have helped me," he repeated louder, sitting up in bed and cradling Mushroom like a safety blanket. The disapproval in Sean's eyes hurt more than his words did.

"You don't know what you're talking about. Drop it."

"You don't even care!" He squeezed Mushroom tighter and stood from the bed in a rush. "I don't even know what's happening to me, and you don't even care!"

Sean was silent and still while he fled the room and crawled back into his tent. It was only when he felt Mushroom licking his cheek that he realized he'd started crying.

* * *

One night, days later, when Daniel awoke to a pressure between his legs, he drew in a breath before sighing out slow because it wasn't really anything new by now.

It was cold in the cabin like it always was, so the two were cuddled close in bed. Sean was snoring in this breathy way that Daniel had forced himself to get used to over the past month spent on the road. Sometimes it was nice to share space with someone he loved more than anyone else in the world. Other times it made Daniel feel like his blood was boiling under his skin.

He knew he wasn't normal. He could do things with his mind he'd only seen in movies or read about in comic books. What happened to him in his sleep was the one thing that Sean had reassured him was natural, nothing to be ashamed of. Though at times he didn't understand it, it was a part of growing up. Something he shared with his brother and couldn't talk about with anyone else.

It had felt nice to move against Sean back at their makeshift base by the river. And what little he'd touched himself before freaking out and stopping, while Sean was out looking for food. Like his powers, he wanted to stop fearing this. He wanted to learn to control it.

Under the covers of their ratty mattress shoved against the wall by the fireplace, he held his breath, hooked a leg over Sean's, and pressed himself against his brother's thigh. It was a split-second curiosity test that passed with flying colors, nothing like the faint, unsatisfying touches he'd felt before. It was solid and warm, and it pushed back.

"Raccoon-boy, quit it..."

Sean shifted, thigh moving slow and easy up the length of his trapped erection. His cock slid perfectly against his brother's leg in a way that sent a shiver down his spine.

"Daniel...?" The moment Sean stirred, he pulled back in regret, hiding his face against the bed and mumbling an inaudible apology. "Dude, what- Is it happening again? What we talked about?"

"Maybe," came a small muffled whisper. Sean was silent, but Daniel could feel the scrutiny on him.

"Go to the bathroom, buddy."

He rolled back over and draped a leg over Sean's, trying to get leverage against his thigh again. "Can't we just-"

"NO." Daniel flinched. "Come on, man... What the hell happened to 'ew, Sean, sex is so gross'?"

"It's not sex!" he argued a little too loud, cheeks heating up. Mushroom woke on her mat by the fire and gave a small yelp. "I know what sex looks like, I'm not a baby!"

"Shut _up_. Go to the bathroom."

"I don't know what to do, though."

"Really...? Touch yourself until you feel better." Sean leaned back on an elbow and looked him over, a hesitant glaze in his eyes. Daniel's leg slid off his, limp and ashamed.

"But... Can't you help me, Sean?"

The room fell into a stretch of silence that seemed to last forever. Daniel stayed on his side, a breath away from asking if he'd done something wrong, but the question buckled under the tentative press of Sean's hand on his stomach underneath the covers.

"Do this..." Fingers trailed down past his belly button and over the waistband of his jeans. It was just a flat palm over two layers of clothes, but he gasped and pushed into the fleeting touch before it was gone as quick as it came. "There. Seriously, Dad didn't talk to me about any of this shit until I'd already figured it out on my own, too, so... You'll be fine. Do what I just did."

His fingers grazed the hard outline in his pants where Sean's hand used to be. "Wait. Can you..."

"Daniel." Sean was avoiding his gaze, staring down at their shabby bed sheet, the hand he'd touched his brother with balled into a fist. "Brothers don't really do stuff like this. Ya know?"

Daniel didn't know, or at least he didn't want to. They were the wolf brothers. They did everything together. Lived together and lost together. Deep down, Daniel understood what he meant, even if it hurt to be rejected. But he pretended he didn't and reached for Sean's crotch, grabbing what he felt there that was so much bigger than his own.

"DANIEL-"

"See? You're like this, too! It's normal, right?"

He tried to mimic the motion, rubbing his palm along Sean's length. He was a little soft, so Daniel squeezed, trying to get a good grip through all the clothes in the way. His wrist was grabbed so tight that it hurt before he found himself on his back with Sean looming over him and holding his arms to the mattress.

"You _never_ ,  _ever_ touch anyone there without their permission." His eyes were burning in the firelight, lips parted and breath quickened. Daniel had never seen him so intense. It both frightened him and made his stomach flutter. "Got it?"

"Got it... I'm sorry."

"Repeat it."

"Never touch anyone there without permission." He squirmed, testing the slack of his pinned arms. "I'm sorry! I thought you would like it."

A deep breath was sighed out onto his face. He stared up from flat on the mattress and waited while Sean closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Do you still want me to show you?"

"Huh?"

Sean's eyes opened to level with his. "Do you?"

"I mean, yeah, but if you don't want to then-" A moan swallowed his words when Sean's hand left his wrist and grabbed between his legs, rubbing over his jeans like it had before.

There was more pressure this time, more friction, even if it was only against the fabric of his boxers. Either way, it was better than anything he could have imagined, doubly so because it was his brother making him feel this way. He planted his feet on the bed, opening his legs and arching into the touch. The hand not palming his crotch slid up his wrist and entwined their fingers.

"Chill," Sean whispered, squeezing his hand. He glanced down between them and fumbled with Daniel's zipper while the younger tried in vain to catch his breath. "I don't want you coming in your boxers again. That was a bitch to clean."

When his jeans were tugged down and his erection eased out, he thought he was going to die. Cool fingers teased his warm skin, soft and careful before they got a firm grip and started stroking at a tempo that had Daniel bucking his hips up for more.

He could feel the buzz of his powers lifting something in the room. His heart rate quickened with the pace of Sean's hand. Every inhale brought the heavy scent of home and old smoke. Sean was so close and not close enough, so Daniel reached up to grab his shoulder, daring a glance down.

It wasn't the speed, the grip, or the pressure; the sight of himself being pumped in Sean's hand was what pushed him over the edge.

"And it got on your clothes anyway... Fuck."

"Sean," he moaned to the ceiling, thrusting up, pulling on Sean's hoodie, and squeezing his hand. It squeezed back and held him through the rush that swept over his body.

Something metal in the kitchen clattered to the floor, and the makeshift table at the foot of their bed slammed down as if dropped from halfway to the ceiling. Mushroom's frightened barks set off a wave of guilt even through the fading pleasure. If he hurt her in any way, he would never forgive himself. Though his body still tingled, he reached down to pet her floppy ears.

Sean was tucking him back into his pants, rubbing at his raccoon hoodie with a groan. "Dammit."

"Wow..." Daniel breathed, still winded. When Mushroom stopped whimpering, he let his arm dangle off the bed for her to nuzzle, limp and satisfied. "That wasn't scary at all... That was awesome."

"So awesome that you broke some more shit."

"Sorry..."

"Okay." Sean abandoned his hoodie and grabbed his hand again to get his attention. "First things first. If you ever need help like that again, we need to go over a couple new rules."

* * *

It was weird to lie in a warm, clean bed. It was weird to wear clothes that didn't smell like dirt and body odor for the first time in a month. It was weird to feel normal again, in a normal house with normal grandparents on a normal suburban street. A lot of things felt weird these days.

Sean's eyes were the darkest brown under the moonlight leaking in through the bedroom shades. Messy hair draped over his forehead in a loose, handsome curl. Daniel thought he looked much better with his hair a little longer. He looked especially good now, their fingers entwined, eyes locked, gazing up from between Daniel's legs on the bed in their grandparents' guest room.

Daniel sighed out his name almost involuntary, bucking up into his open mouth.

"Shhhh," Sean shushed, removing his lips with a wet pop. "Enano, you want the whole neighborhood to hear you? Remember the rules?"

Daniel settled for a nod, one hand in Sean's, the other clasped firmly over his mouth. He was trying his best not to be too loud, but watching his brother's tongue lick slowly up the shaft of his dick wasn't helping much. Neither was the rhythmic brush of Sean's knuckles on the checkered comforter, getting himself off in time with his brother.

Nothing was floating this time, but the lamp on the desk across the room flickered, and for a moment they could see each other clearly, Daniel muffling moans behind his palm with Sean's lips wrapped around him, their hands connected and grasped tight.

It flickered again when he came in Sean's mouth. Every light in the house did.

* * *

"I know what I heard. It wasn't right!"

"Please, Claire. Boys their ages... You have dreams you can't control."

"It was  _both_ of them, I'm telling you! He's only nine for Christ's sake! Oh, I hope to God that I'm wrong... No brothers should-"

"Grandma?"

Claire and Stephen looked back from huddled close together in the kitchen. Strips of bacon sizzled and popped in a hot skillet on the stove top behind them.

"Oh, good morning, sweetheart!" Claire clasped her hands and offered a smile. Stephen left the room without a word and touched Daniel's shoulder as he passed, hand too heavy, too rough. "I'm almost done with breakfast! How about you help me set the plates before your brother gets up?"

"Okay," Daniel mumbled, taking the silverware handed to him in a daze. He set up things neatly on auto-pilot, plates, forks, napkins, empty glasses, then sat at the table and frowned down at the white plate before him. It gleamed immaculate under the kitchen lights.

"Hey." Sean plopped down beside him, voice still rough like it usually was upon just waking up. "Morning."

"Good morning, honey," their grandmother cooed, carrying over a batch of scrambled eggs. "Sleep well?"

"Oh yeah. Like a baby."

Claire glanced between them, smile tightened. She excused herself after serving their food and went up the stairs after her husband. Daniel watched her leave, bacon and eggs cooling on his plate, full glass of orange juice untouched. Though the heat was turned up high, sometimes it felt colder in this house than it ever had in their dingy little cabin.

"What's up, dude?" Sean asked around a full mouth, table manners on the back burner now that Claire was gone. "You better start eating if you don't want that bacon to find a new home on my plate."

"Sean. Are we... weird?"

Sean's brow slowly furrowed in that disapproving way that Daniel hated to see. It reminded him too much of their father. He looked behind them into the living room, but their grandparents were still upstairs, as quiet as if the boys had the house to themselves. On the contrary, it made Daniel feel as if a million eyes were watching.

"You know," he whispered, "for what we do."

"I know what you mean." How quickly Sean met his eyes and glanced away didn't make him feel any better. "It's... different." His voice dropped as well, whether consciously or not. "You know that, enano... It's... Seriously, Daniel? We talked about this."

"I know!" Daniel's chest ached when he remembered his grandmother's words. He didn't understand why it had to be so complicated. He didn't understand why it had to hurt so much.

"What's the second rule?" Sean braced an arm on the table, both their meals cooling by now.

"Stopping is okay," Daniel recited, "But I don't want to stop! I don't mind being weird. Really. I already am, anyway..."

His brother's hand rested on his neck the same way he and Dad used to do sometimes, like when he pouted over presents at their last Christmas or got a poor grade on a math test. Like how a wolf carries a day-old pup by the scruff on the back of their neck.

Sean kept his hand there and smiled for him, half-forced, half-genuine love. It was soft and broken, rough around the edges, handsome in the middle. Daniel let out a soul-deep sigh that felt like it'd been building in his chest since he'd entered the kitchen.

"Nothing about you is weird," Sean told him around that smile. "It's all just... you."

* * *

Playing splash fight with freezing cold water in their grandparents' bathroom wasn't usually his idea of fun, but Daniel had started it, and Sean played along until dots of water marked both of their faces and PJ shirts.

"Hey, you got water in my hair!"

"Good," Sean grinned down at his brother, shaking his wet hands over the sink. "The more water you get the better, pig-pen."

He saw the retaliation coming from a mile away, intercepting the small hand that lunged for the faucet. Daniel was pouty personified when he was scooped up and set on the edge of the sink. That familiar tiny frown always showed itself when he didn't get his way.

"No fair! You're bigger than me."

"Then grow faster, enano." Sean stepped between his legs, lifted him up, and rubbed his wet face into his neck. Daniel's giggle fit gave him plenty of time to turn off the faucet and align their toothbrushes on the counter without any more interruptions. "Keep it down. We're supposed to be in bed by now."

The upstairs hallway was already dark. No traces of light leaked out from under their grandparents' bedroom door. Sean walked them to their room and closed the door behind him before pressing his lips to Daniel's neck and blowing just to hear the way it made him laugh.

"Sean!" the boy in his arms cried around giggles, "No!"

The sound of his pure laughter touched Sean's heart. He loved it when they felt like kids again, unsullied by death and anguish and crippling fear of the unknown. He kissed his brother's neck, heard his breath catch in his throat, and wondered if they'd ever find a sense of normalcy again or spend the rest of their lives chasing what they'd lost too soon.

There was a tower of wooden blocks Daniel had stacked with telekinesis in the middle of the room. Sean almost knocked it over when he spun them in slow circles like he'd planned to dance with Jenn at prom. His little brother's breath tickled his jaw, arms and legs wrapped tight around him, growing erection pressing shamelessly against his stomach.

"Sean?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we..." He fussed and cut himself short. Sean waited, lips on his soft neck, still slowly rocking them in circles. "Can you..." He stopped again. Small fingers dug into Sean's back. "Do you still have... that condom... I found in your bag?"

"Daniel." Sean sighed and stood still. "No way we're using that."

"Why not? Don't you wanna do stuff for real?"

Sean didn't answer that question. "I'm not hurting you. Just forget about it."

"Won't it feel good?" Daniel whispered, as if they were sharing a secret of utmost confidentiality.

"Fuck no. Sometimes it even hurts with girls."

"It hurts you???"

"It hurts the _girls_ , genius."

"We're not girls, though..." he muttered. "I don't get it."

Sean sat on the edge of the bed and let Daniel straddle his lap, thin arms draped on his shoulders, a sulky, inquisitive face watching his. The outline of his erection was visible in his mother's childhood princess pajamas. Sean followed the rules and asked permission before running a thumb up its length.

"You remember the third rule?"

"Uh... Run from danger?" Daniel mumbled, breathless, pushing his hips forward and gripping Sean's shoulders.

"No. The rules related to this." He thumbed the head of his small cock through his PJs as if in example. The younger shut his eyes, making a little noise in the back of his throat that Sean loved almost as much as his laughter.

"Don't take it too far?" he forced out, rocking into the hand cupping him. Sean kept still and let him go at his own pace. "But how... ah... I am suppose to know what's too far...?"

"I'll give you a hint." Sean tugged his shirt over his head then his brother's and tossed them both across the room onto the writing desk. The cross hanging on the wall above it glared down at them in the dim light. "Imagine if I took off our pants, too, and we had sex right now. Would that be too far?"

"Mmm," Daniel squirmed in his lap, body betraying his excitement. "Yeah..."

The way he moaned that word annihilated Sean's train of thought.

"N-No." Daniel snuggled closer, pressing their bare chests together. Sean rubbed down his spine, struggling for words. "I mean, yes. Like... Yeah, it's too far. Daniel-"

"But it's not sex if it's with you, Sean. It's different. Right? Don't you want to?"

Sean leaned back and kissed him hard to shut him up. He didn't focus on stealing Daniel's first kiss and breaking the rules by not asking permission. He focused on how Daniel moaned into his mouth when he licked and bit his bottom lip. It was easier that way.

"You really want me to fuck you?" he asked, beyond turned on by that thought and beyond understanding why. He grabbed Daniel by the waist and rut up against him, drinking up the sharp gasp. "Yeah?"

Daniel clung to him, too loud again like he always got. Sean didn't bother telling him to quiet down.

He flipped them over and pushed Daniel's legs up, thrusting against his clothed bottom as if there was nothing in the way, as if it was 'for real' like Daniel wanted. As if it wasn't his little brother rocking against him in this pale imitation of something they were both too young to understand.

"I love you," he panted out, as if to make it up somehow. "I love you more than anything, Daniel..."

Small arms reached up to loop around his neck, so he dropped to his elbows and let his brother hug him. The only thing Daniel managed was Sean's name when he came in his pants, but Sean stayed close and repeated in his ear, "I love you, I love you, I love you."

* * *

Esteban stood handsome and alone in his wedding suit, detailed, stunning, and flawless. A perfect rendition from the old photograph their grandparents had dug up for them.

On the page opposite, two hands were entwined, one much smaller than its partner, fingers clasped tight. And beneath that was a sketch of Daniel's face, angled and looking down at something as if reading. The features were quiet, soulful, and kind.

It highly resembled how he looked now, Sean's sketchbook in his lap like he used to hold Mushroom sometimes, gloved finger tracing and smudging the graphite ever so slightly. It was the only distraction out here in the cold with the biting wind rushing past them. Other than wondering if where they were headed would be any better than what they left behind.

"I like these," Daniel whispered, eyes glued to his father. "They're nice."

The roar of the freight train beneath them almost swallowed his words. Sean hummed in agreement and put an arm around him, staring out at the snow-covered trees.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Better late than never, right?

Finn was cool. Cool in almost every way that Sean wasn't. Tender where Sean was tough. Yielding where he was stern. Like a brother, without all the resentment and arguing and pain.

Cassidy was different. Maybe because she smiled pretty at Sean and kissed his cheek every other morning on the bumpy ride to work. Around the sixth kiss, Daniel stopped counting. He tried to pretend he'd stopped caring, too, with lies that never stuck.

Everything smelled like sweat and a plant he didn't really understand but knew was bad for him. Nothing about this - the drugs, the guns, the threats from their boss - was okay. Each day felt more and more like Esteban buried 'okay' with him when he died.

Daniel thought about that sometimes: where his body was, who came to his funeral. Was it like in the movies where people wore all black and stood in silence? He supposed it didn't matter now.

"You still with me, sweetheart?"

Daniel looked to his side and squinted through haze from both their campfire and a lit joint. The smell of weed used to disgust him, but now he wasn't so sure. Not when it was Finn leaning back and smoking beside him.

"Yeah," he lied. He wasn't with Finn. He was hundreds of miles away with Esteban. He was in the makeshift kitchen with Sean and Cassidy across camp, watching them press close arm-to-arm. Finn didn't need to know that, though. Sean had stressed that nobody needed to know a lot of things.

Nobody needed to know about his powers. The cougar he'd killed. The way Sean rocked against him in their tent and groped down into his pants. How Sean kissed him, sometimes with tongue, sometimes without, always warm, wet, and bitter with smoke.

There was more, but he was never too good at recalling lists. Or following rules.

"Ya hear me?" Finn elbowed him with a chuckle. It was too forceful and hurt. He was high and drunk again. Cross-faded, Hannah had called it once. "Any of this makin' it through, spaceman?"

"Yeah. Sorry."

"Oh, no. I see it." Finn laughed, bracing an elbow on his knee. He was always hunched, one way or another. "You haven't heard a word I said. You're up there. In the stars. Bring us back some rocks from the moon, will ya? Then we'd all be millionaires!"

"Oh, shut the fuck up, Finn..." Hannah groaned across the fire, slumped back in the dirt and looking more dead than alive.

"It's been a long day," Ingrid chimed in beside her. "Let him space out if he needs it. Poor thing almost fell asleep at work today."

"Shit, that makes two of us!" Finn stretched to the sky, reaching for the stars himself. His shoe bumped Daniel's, first on accident, then on purpose. "Need me to walk you to your tent, my man? Big day tomorrow... Well, different day, same shit. You get it. Get that beauty sleep."

Across the camp, Sean laughed at whatever Cassidy'd whispered in his ear as she plucked at the drawstring of his wolf squad hoodie. It shouldn't have hurt as much as it did. A million thoughts ran through Daniel's mind, most involving his power. He looked away and kicked the dirty heels of his shoes against the log under him and Finn.

"I don't need you to walk me," he said. It felt distant to speak, like a stranger spoke through him. "I'm okay on my own."

Finn smiled like he always did, easy, gentle, and took another hit.

"Then adiós, mi amigo."

* * *

Blood dripped from his sliced index finger into the basin of Merrill's sink. Joe called out something he couldn't discern through the closed bathroom door. Sean guided his small hand under the faucet and shouted back a thanks.

Finn wasn't lying. Those trimming scissors were sharp. This was the second time Daniel had cut himself in less than a week. He was trying not to cry, but he hated this work. He hated the way Sean held his hand as if he suddenly cared after weeks of barely acknowledging him. He hated the stinging pain of water flushing his cut, and he hated his own angry reflection in Merrill's uncleaned mirror.

"I told you a million times to be careful," Sean scolded like a father. Like Esteban. He hated a lot of things, but Daniel hated that the most.

Sean held his wrist firm, but his thumb rubbed soft circles on the back of Daniel's hand, their skin the same dark shade from spending hours in the sun. His fingers were dry and rough, but warm, warmer than they had any right to be.

"C'mere..." he murmured, inspecting Daniel's wound. He rubbed out a speck of weed stained red with blood. "You can't do shit like this, Daniel. We have no band-aids, no gauze, no nothing. If this gets infected-"

"I don't give a fuck!" He knew he'd said a bad thing. That's why he didn't pull away when Sean grabbed his arm and squeezed. "Stop pretending you care! I know it's all bullshit!"

Sean scoffed, hand clenching on his arm. It didn't hurt. Not yet. "Really? What has gotten into you? This kinda shit needs to stop, dude."

"Whatever," he muttered. His cut had clotted by now, but Sean's grip kept his hand under the faucet anyway just to make sure.

Eventually, Sean let go and pushed his hoodie sleeves further up his arms. It was hot and muggy almost to the point of unbearable, especially in such a cramped bathroom. Merrill never turned on the air conditioning for them. Builds discipline, he'd said, and saves money.

"Daniel, you know I-"

" _Whatever_ ," he forced out again. Sean was a disappointed blur in his peripheral, a smudge on the mirror he didn't want to look at.

"Enano..."

Sean grabbed him by the waist, hauled him up, and set him on the edge of the sink. Tiny spots of water soaked into the seat of Daniel's jeans, and the hard rim of the sink pressed painfully against his backside. Sean parted his knees and stepped between them.

"Tell me what's going on with you. What did I do?"

Daniel slumped forward, just a bit, to ease the pain of sitting on the sink. Sean took it as an invitation. He wrapped Daniel in his arms, hands running up and down his back. Sean's hair tickled the right side of his face. Soft lips touched the same cheek not long after.

"C'mon," Sean breathed by his ear, pressed between his legs. Daniel gripped the edge of the sink so tight that his cut started bleeding again. His brother's hands ducked under his shirt and slid up his back. "Just chill out and tell me, little cub."

He let his head lull and stared at the stippled wall opposite the sink. Sean's nose trailed down his jaw to his neck.

"I hate her," he'd said before he could stop himself. It fell from his lips like a rock and landed wedged in the middle of the room. Sean's hands slowed, breath steady on his skin. "Get off."

"Wait... What did you say...?"

"Stop, Sean." He got his hands between them and pushed. Blood from his wound stained Sean's hoodie. "Get off me!" Sean was grabbing his arm again, like he did when Daniel had done something wrong. Like Esteban did when he did something wrong. "I said _let go_!"

He closed his eyes tight and pushed, not with his hands, but with his powers. Sean's back hit the bathroom wall.

Joe pounded on the door so hard it might as well have been a gunshot.

The first thing Cassidy did when they made it back to work was check on Daniel's wound, then ask Sean about five times if something was the matter. Daniel zoned out and daydreamed to get through it all, ignoring how his chest hurt more than his open cut did.

* * *

"You didn't have to come with me, you know..."

"I know."

Sean watched him from his side of their tent, a brother, lover, and father all at once. Daniel wanted him to never look at anyone but him that way for as long as they lived.

He didn't have to follow his little brother to bed early and turn away a haircut and a fun night with friends. But that was what he did. They were lying in their closed tent facing each other for the first time in a while. So different from those boys camping out by the river, sleeping in the same motel bed, and cuddling in their grandparents' guest room in the middle of winter.

He searched Sean's face and wanted to believe that things would only get better. The past few months had made him so good at lying to everyone including himself.

"Can we talk?" Sean's voice was soft. It was nice. Lately, they'd mostly been yelling at each other. "Look. I wanna stop. All this." Daniel rested his head on a folded arm, looking at Sean sideways. Somehow, from this angle, he looked more sad. "It's not your fault. It's just- We're _family_. I don't like Cassidy more than you, okay?"

"But you  _do_ like her."

"Yeah." He reached over and flicked the handmade bracelet on Daniel's wrist. "And you like Finn."

"Yeah..."

Voices murmured in the distance, laughter from the campfire drifting over on a night breeze.

Sean gazed at something behind his brother; maybe at his old watch Daniel used to wear. Maybe at their mother's open letter on the tent floor that Daniel had skimmed about fifty times. Then he rolled onto his back and draped a forearm over his eyes.

"I'm sorry everything's so fucked up right now, enano. I know, okay? I wish it was just us, too, like it used to be. With little Shroom. But you can't blame me when it's not. You need to control yourself."

The half of Sean's face not covered by his arm was graced by the small lamp Finn had loaned them. It shone on the fine curve of his jaw defining as he slowly, painstakingly became something of a man. He looked older and tired, more than a sixteen year old should.

"Sean?" Daniel asked, quiet. "Did we stop doing stuff because it wasn't real? ...Or normal?"

"It was real," Sean said, but kept his arm over his eyes and said no more.

"Did we stop because I'm not a girl?"

All he got for that was a frown.

He clicked off the light in the tent so he didn't have to see it. The tent floor crinkled under him when he crawled over on hands and knees and kissed Sean to wipe it away. The frown was still there when he leaned back, even in the darkness, so he tried again. And again. And again.

"I'm sorry," he breathed. He didn't say what for.

Sean rubbed up his arm, fingers under his shirt sleeve. Daniel kissed him deeper and tried to remember to breathe through his nose. They both smelled like weed, but unlike with Finn, this time the smell choked him.

He felt small, like a child. He swung a leg over Sean to straddle him, hands braced on his chest, but that only made him feel smaller.

They used to wrestle back home, when things were normal, for fun or out of anger. With the latter, Esteban would yell and break it up for getting too rough. Back then, Daniel'd wished he was bigger so he'd have a chance of winning, of pinning Sean down and laughing about it. Now, Sean's weight under him felt good in a different way he couldn't describe.

He wasn't quite sure what to do with his hands, so he stuck them under his brother's hoodie and flattened them over the thin dusting of his happy trail. Sean was warm, warmer than he had any right to be.

"I don't know why you like her..." The thought wouldn't leave him. Jealousy flared, even now. It might never stop. He wondered if Sean was okay with that. Sean reached out and pushed his hair back, fingers threading through it. Daniel's bangs flopped back down over his forehead and brushed his eyelashes.

"You know why. You've liked Lyla. That one girl you worked on that summer project with. Hell, Finn. Shit happens, dude. It just hurts because... things are different now."

Footsteps crunched by outside the tent. Daniel hunkered down in fear of being found, face pressed to Sean's collarbone. They stayed that way for a while until Sean pulled him up and kissed him. He tried to remember to breathe again.

He couldn't help but ask when they parted, "Have you kissed _her_?" Sean sighed. Daniel felt it under his palms.

"No."

"Did you... have sex with her?"

"Dude, what- No. Did you have sex with Finn?"

"No, Sean!"

"Good." Sean huffed a laugh. "You realize how ridiculous that question is."

"Wait," he mumbled, curious, scooting down until he sat on his older brother's knees. His fingers fumbled with the jean zipper, grazing the nudge of his arousal.

"Daniel-"

"Wait," he urged again. Sean's thighs flexed under him when he eased him out of his boxers.

He was moving too fast. He saw it in the way Sean got up on his elbows and looked ready to sit up at any moment. He also hadn't asked for permission to touch, like their rules stated, but as Sean had said, things were different now.

He bent over and licked, tongue flat to cover as much as possible. Pre-cum stretched in a thin clear line from Sean to his tongue. The taste wasn't what he expected. He tried again and felt a twitch against his small hand holding the base.

"What are you doing, Daniel?" Sean hissed. Still, he just watched and didn't move to stop him.

"I've never done this to you." He grabbed with two hands now as Sean grew in his palms. "You never let me. I wanna do it."

 _before she can_.

"You're too young," Sean tried to say through heavy breathing. Despite his words, his hips rose and forced himself further between Daniel's lips. Daniel closed his eyes, opened his mouth, and tried to stay very, very still.

This was something Cassidy couldn't have, he thought, while Sean bucked into his open mouth. She could try, but it would never be this. They were brothers, _family_ , like Sean had said. Sean only had one little brother, and nobody could fill that place but him. Daniel swallowed saliva pooling in his mouth and basked in the bliss of knowing that.

It didn't last long. He wiped away spit when Sean made him back off. Maybe he'd done something wrong. Sean wouldn't meet his eyes. They were both still hard, his brother now slick from his mouth. He pulled himself out of his own pants and stole some of his own spit from Sean to rub on himself.

"Finn told me, you know," he mentioned. "He told me. I asked how two boys... like..."

Dark eyes finally snapped to his, brows pinching.

"I didn't tell him about us!" Daniel rushed. "I just asked. In general. And he told me. Don't be mad."

"No way," Sean mumbled, but his hips rose again. Daniel bounced a little in his lap.

"Didn't you say, though, back at grandma's? That you wanna?"

"It'll hurt," Sean warned, like he did months ago, and like months ago, Daniel didn't care.

He was right. It hurt. Especially when Daniel pulled his pants down, scooted forward, and tried to force it dry. Sean sat up in an instant and eased him back, lying with him until he stopped wincing. It wasn't fair, Daniel thought. He wondered if it hurt that much with girls. He breathed through the pain while Sean undressed him from the waist down, then wet a finger in his mouth and reached between his legs.

"Here..."

Sean's finger rubbed him. It was the oddest thing he'd ever felt, like wiping himself in the bathroom, but moist and prodding. His reaction was to tense until Sean's other hand found his, fingers entwined like their first time together in their secret cabin in the woods.

"Ew," he grumbled, wiggling. "Finn didn't tell me about this."

"Good. You shouldn't know."

"Why not? He said your dick is supposed to go there." Sean laughed and made his cheeks burn.

"You're so cute, enano..."

His cheeks burned hotter.

The photo of Esteban pinned to the tent wall watched over his children as the littlest rode through the first finger and whined through the second. It watched as his eldest son unzipped his pants and dug for that condom he'd packed almost half a year ago, then to use with a girl he hardly knew, now to use with his own little brother.

Daniel thought they were supposed to be naked, but he was still in his shirt and Sean hadn't taken anything off. Something dawned on him as he lied there watching Sean put on the condom. It dawned, but it didn't sink in. His heart was beating too fast, and he couldn't breathe. Every inch of his bare skin tingled.

When Sean scooted up between his legs and pressed, not enough to even make the skin yield, he gasped.

"Shh. I'm not even in." Sean readjusted, lining up. "Does it hurt?"

"No," Daniel lied. "Keep going."

Slowly, he yielded to the stretch of something much larger than a finger or two. It took forever, and the burn was almost unbearable, both a turn-off and the hottest thing he'd ever felt. His small cock twitched against the hem of his shirt. He had to bite his lip to keep from moaning Sean's name too loud like he always got.

He had wanted to be on top. It wasn't fair. He felt like screaming, moaning, and sighing all at once. He'd never been so hard in his life.

"Shhh. Tell me... when to stop. If it hurts." Sean's voice broke on a moan. Daniel didn't notice digging his nails into the back of Sean's hand hard enough to leave crescent moons. He couldn't feel anything but where Sean was inside him. He tensed, squeezing the muscles there, and this time, Sean was the one who gasped.

"Shit..." He looked down between them. "Enano."

Daniel shut his eyes and squeezed once more, just to hear him say it again. He didn't know if he could come from this. It hurt a little too much for that. Either way, he didn't care. This was sex, something adults did when they were in love. Sean was in him,  _fucking_ him, short, shallow thrusts rocking him against their sleeping bags. He started crying.

"Hey."

Sean was panting, one hand in his, the other pushing his leg back.

"Daniel."

He wiped at tears, struggling to breathe.

"Daniel, look at me."

Blurry eyes met his brother's. A wad of cash drifting by Sean's head stole his attention instead.

Contents from both their backpacks danced in the air, the backpacks themselves swirling in circles on the roof of the tent as if stuck in a storm. The rock he'd pinned their mother's letter down with brushed Sean's hoodie and looped around them. His old watch, his toys, Sean's lighter and ID. They floated in a circle, wavering.

"Daniel," Sean panted again in disbelief.

Daniel tried to stop and couldn't. Sean was all he could feel, all he could think about. The person he loved the most, the person he'd grown up with, who held him as a baby, played with him on days off from school. Yelled at him to get out of his room. Sat beside him on movie nights with the popcorn bowl between them. Hugged him when he cried and promised to always protect him no matter what.

"Don't stop," he begged, "Fuck me..."

Sean groaned louder than he should have and dug in to fuck him harder.

Tomorrow, the others would spend the truck ride to work talking about the earthquake they felt that night. A fallen tree trunk shifted in the distance. Birds awoke and called into the woods. Everything floating swirled faster and battered the tent walls as Sean came inside him and he came in Sean's hand a minute later, moaning and crying.

Daniel wondered if this was what it felt like to be in love.

* * *

"Wait. Can we stop?"

Cassidy smiled, sweet.

Her shirt was off. Her breasts were in Sean's hands.

"Performance anxiety? I get it." She laughed. "Don't worry. It's cute, Sean. Really."

They were both still wet from the lake. She was under him, waiting, lips plump from a kiss, condom wrapper in her hand.

"I... It just. It feels wrong."

"Wrong?"

"I'm sorry." He shook his head and leaned back on his knees. His bare chest was cool in the air. She felt too big between his legs, limbs too long, hips not small enough. "I don't... I can't explain."

"No. I get it." Her face had turned sour. "If you need to work things out with Finn, hey, I get it. I really do."

"It's not Finn," he said, then stopped. His throat hurt. The pain slipped down his throat and settled in his stomach. "...I'm sorry. Okay, Cass?"

"I get it," she kept saying, sitting up. She put her bra back on infinitely faster than Sean had taken it off. "It's cool. I get it."

Sean knew she never really would. Even he didn't get it. They dressed in silence and crawled out of her tent.

"Wait..." Hannah stopped them. "Did you guys just have sex?"

Cass giggled, looking down. "...Kinda."


	3. Chapter 3

Golden sand stretched forever under the sun. Each grain burned so bright it was blinding. Homesickness threatened to eat him alive until Sean leaned down to hug him, framed by a pale blue sky. He looked different, older, like Esteban but not quite. Daniel didn't understand.

Sean just smiled, shirtless, naked, then Daniel was naked too, and sand was warming every inch of him it touched.

"I miss you, enano," was breathed onto his lips between kisses. Sean found his hand and held it, fingers entwined like they would never be apart. "Don't you remember the third rule?"

Daniel’s eyes snapped open to the ceiling of a plain room he almost didn’t recognize. One hand was caught tight in a fistful of bed sheets, the other stuffed down the front of his pajama pants again. Objects in the air fell to the ground; this time a painting, a bible, and a drawing from Sarah Lee. Not as bad as the standing lamp and desk chair from two days ago.

Lisbeth was wrong. Prayers didn't stop dreams.

They also didn’t stop the accidents in his sleep nor the look on Lisbeth's face when she found out about them. She said he was different for a boy his age and that prayers would help him through it. Judging from the firm, warm flesh under his fingers, he needed more help than just prayers.

Shutting his eyes and imagining Sean helped. Trailing fingertips up to his belly button and imagining they were his brother's kisses. Putting an arm beneath his pillow and pretending Sean was pinning him down. Picturing the hand stroking him now was larger, not so impulsive and young, but devoted and patient while Sean thumbed the tip of his dick, sucked on his neck, and whispered that he just wanted to make him feel good because he loved him more than anything in the world.

"Daniel?" A knock on the door made him flinch, more than his orgasm already was. His tacky hand clenched hard around himself. "Is everything alright?"

"I-I’m fine!"

The wet result of that dream with Sean in the sand was seeping into his pajamas now and sliding down his balls.

They’d been happening more often. Dreams of Sean still back at the explosion at Merrill's, or in Puerto Lobos without him, or with him, or with Cassidy, or Finn. Sometimes, if he was unlucky, Sean was sharing ground with Esteban in the wolf squad hoodie he loved so much. Other dreams were just a mess of whispers and touches that ended in more wet pajamas.

"Were you practicing your gift on your own?" Lisbeth sounded frightened. Worried. "Daniel?"

When the door between their rooms cracked open, he panicked, pulled his hand out, and wiped it on the covers. It only smeared glossy white against the maroon comforter. The Reverend Mother froze in the doorway and stated a curt " _oh_ " that cut right through him then stuck around to shred him to pieces.

"I-I’m sorry!" He sat up in bed, Sean long gone and replaced by a deep burn scorching through his chest and up his neck. "I just-"

"Oh, my dear son." Lisbeth stepped around the objects he’d dropped with his mind, and when she reached his bedside, a hand settled over the short brown hair she’d trimmed herself. "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

"I don’t know what that means," Daniel muttered, annoyed and embarrassed.

"1 Corinthians 10:13," Lisbeth finished with a stroke of his hair. "And it means we're here to help you. Guide you. Because with enough faith, the Lord forgives even the smallest mistakes."

Daniel kept his eyes down, mouth shut, and didn't mention how the hand on his head didn't feel like forgiveness any more than wanting to be close to his brother again felt like a mistake.

* * *

"We all have to do it. Just tell the Lord your sins."

Nicholas smiled before him.

The tiny room they sat in weighed his tongue down in his mouth. The hard wooden chair hurt his back.

"I," Daniel started, then realized he didn't know  _where_  to start. He fiddled with a loose thread on his white button-up.

This reminded him of when Dad had to speak to his teachers about his poor grades in school. At least then, he'd known it was his fault - not studying, not practicing, playing games with Sean instead of doing homework. Now, he didn't know what to say.

"Anything at all," Nicholas pushed. "From your time with us. Or from... before. Don't be afraid to share. Our God is a loving one."

He heard the sickening snap of a cougar's neck over Mushroom's mauled body. He saw the disappointed glare on Sean's face when he found out he was lying to Chris. He saw a flipped police car, the barrel of a gun jammed in his face, and his brother lying bloody and unconscious on a trashed floor.

"I..."

He felt warm lips on his neck, a hand in his, fingers pressing his thighs back. His brother inside him.

"I... I-"

Nicholas leaned forward in his chair. "It's okay, Daniel. We know life's been cruel to you."

Speaking felt like pulling barbed wire up his throat and through his teeth.

* * *

Evening sunlight blazed the sky orange. It cut through the cheap motel curtains somewhere between nowhere and Away. Rays shone on their crossed legs as they faced each other on the bed closest to the TV. The bed Sean knew he liked.

Their mother's car was missing from the lot, out to get them fast food dinner. For a long time, the only sound came from the AC before Sean asked him if he wanted to see his eye without the patch.

Daniel'd felt this pain before, when he was much younger and broke one of Sean's old toy cars by throwing it against the pavement. He was barred from playtime for a week and cried twice as hard as Sean did. But an eye and more than two months of suffering alone were different than an old toy car. And this time instead of twice, he cried about ten times as hard.

"It doesn’t hurt?"

Sean was bruised and sun-burnt from the Hell of the heat and a Hell of their own, but he looked at Daniel as if they were finally free. There was something else, too, under it all. Something Daniel couldn't comprehend. If he wasn't blinded by tears, he might have seen it, and if he was older, he might have begun to understand.

But all he could do now was try to not stare at his brother's empty eye socket and fail, grateful that tears yet to fall blurred the sight.

"Not anymore." Sean blinked in rapid succession. Daniel winced. "See? Quit beating yourself up about it. We’re together again, and we need to focus on where we’re going now. _Puerto Lobos_." Sean poked the center of his chest twice. The phantom of his touch lingered afterward. "No point stressing about the past."

"The past" could have been anything: the accident that took his eye, the church fire they'd caused, the day Esteban was shot and killed before his sons. Daniel spared them both some pain and didn't ask for specifics.

"If I were you, I'd start worrying more about when that haircut will grow out."

It was meant to lighten the mood along with a ruffle of his cropped hair, but Daniel only cried harder. Lisbeth, Nicholas, all those kids he used to play with on Sunday mornings. They might be nothing to Sean, but he had lived with them longer than they'd spent with the crew at the weed farm. They all believed in something larger than themselves, like Sean believed so much in Puerto Lobos.

Smoke from the church fire still burned his lungs. All the hate Lisbeth'd spewed at them rung clear in his mind.

"I'm sorry, Sean," he sobbed into his palms, hysterical. Sean peeled a small hand from his face and rubbed his knuckles. The eye patch draped on his crossed legs slid onto the bed. "Lisbeth was lying! I don't blame you for not... raising me right. Or teaching me to sin. Or those other things she said. They were lies!"

"I know, little cub. I know you didn’t tell her that."

"I didn’t!" he cried as if he needed to, as if Sean didn’t believe him. If he did, Daniel wasn’t sure he deserved that kind of faith. "I only did it-" He sniffed hard, chest heaving. "I only followed Finn that night because... I thought..."

"Don't." Sean was wearing a tank top that showed his red arms, his shoulders, the curve of his biceps, and all the bruises and tiny cuts there. Minus the missing eye and bruise from being pistol-whipped, his face was straight from Daniel’s dreams, from his childhood. His whole life. "Don't. It’s over."

Sean pulled him close and lied back with Daniel on top of him crying, arms locked around his neck. He smelled like soap from the motel bathroom and like their mother. Like cigarette smoke.

* * *

Their mother didn't look like him. She looked more like Sean and spoke like him, too, like she knew more than Daniel ever would, though she didn't even know who he was yet.

He tried to imagine her kissing Esteban and felt weird. He imagined them doing what he and Sean did in California and felt even weirder.

Though they'd known each other for less than half a day, she sounded loving when they all woke that night in the motel room. Her tone was nothing like Lisbeth's. It was that of a mom, or at least what Daniel heard mothers sound like in media and at friend's houses. He almost didn't believe it was directed at him.

"Sweetie?" she asked into the dark, sitting up.

Her sons in the adjacent bed froze; Daniel because of the rocking pressure against his backside, and Sean because he was the one doing it.

The youngest didn't realize he'd blurted his brother's name loud enough to wake the room. He'd felt this shameful burn before almost every morning in Haven Point. He nearly wiped his hand on his pants out of instinct.

"Is something wrong, honey?"

"We're fine." Sean took charge, as always, removing his arm from Daniel’s waist and scooting back. "He- He cries in his sleep sometimes. About what happened in Seattle. Daniel, come on, let's talk about it."

Covers snagged his foot and nearly tripped him as he was dragged out of bed and into the bathroom. Sean flicked on the light and ceiling fan then lent against the striped wallpaper and ran a hand over his buzz cut.

"Sean? Why’d you lie to her?" Daniel hissed, squinting against the light. "I wasn't crying."

"Chill." Sean plopped down on the closed toilet lid, sleep-heavy and exhausted with his legs spread. "You’re the one who freakin’ moaned my name like that. It’s... ya know.” He squeezed himself through his pants. "What happened to you sometimes. Remember when I told you it gets worse when you get older? I just need to jack off real quick."

The ten year old wrung the hem of his old space mission t-shirt that Sean had grabbed from his room in Haven Point before they fled. He almost asked if Sean had been dreaming of Cassidy, but he'd said it best earlier. Don't. It was over.

"I’ll go tell Mom we’re okay."

"Hold up." Sean undid the fly of his jeans while Daniel pressed his back to the door and watched. Everything was how he remembered. Same patch of dark brown hair, same birthmark, same slight curve along his length. "C'mere."

Daniel swallowed hard. The air around them stagnated. The rattle of the ceiling fan dulled into the background.

"Why?"

"To drown you in the toilet," Sean joked and shook his head. "I just wanna kiss you."

His jeans were unzipped just enough, like when they had sex in California, hand already stroking himself slow. Little socked feet crossed the tile floor, unsure.

When he was close enough, Sean cupped the nape of his neck and kissed him like he said he wanted to, first soft, then deep and wet. It was jarring after being apart for so long. That burn in Daniel’s chest returned, the guilt, as if Lisbeth and God were still watching. It smoldered down to the pit of his stomach.

"'Kay, head back to bed," Sean said when they parted. "Tell Karen I’m using the bathroom."

"Can... we kiss one more time?"

They did, this time deeper in that way Daniel could never keep up with. He kept his mouth open and shoved a small hand between his thighs, curling like paper tossed into a fire under the burn he felt.

"More?" he mumbled, licking Sean's spit off his lips, not even sure what he was asking for.

"Karen's right outside, dude. Finish up, then we’ll go."

Daniel considered her opening the door and finding them, like Lisbeth used to walk in on him wet and gasping over his brother back at church. His heart raced in his chest as he rubbed himself through his pants. Sean undid them for him and gathered a wad of toilet paper so he wouldn't make a mess of himself.

"Sean," he whined, looping arms over his shoulders and trying to get into his lap. He just wanted them to be as close as they used to. He wanted them to be in love all over again, even if it burned like Hellfire. "It's not the same as when you do it..."

"No shit. But you have to do this on your own, enano."

"But..." He scooted close until his thin legs were draped around Sean’s hips and their erections were flush, small cock shadowed by his brother's. Sean's skin was warm and soft. Daniel stumbled through the rest of his sentence. "But it’s better... I like it more when..."

"Daniel, we _can't_ -"

"Boys?" Karen knocked on the unlocked door.

He was squeezed tight around the waist and came on Sean's dick and shirt, muffling himself on his shoulder.

The lights shut off and the ceiling fan short-circuited the same time their mother opened the door. Sean kept hugging him close on the toilet lid. Close enough to hide everything between them, including the cum dripping down the head of his dick and soaking into Sean's gray tank top.

Sean said something back to Karen while Daniel breathed heavy and went limp against his chest. His heartbeat hammered between them. Then Sean cursed and pushed him off as soon as the door closed and the lights came back on, wiping his crotch and tank top with the toilet paper wrapped around his hand.

"What the fuck, Daniel?" he seethed under the hum of the ceiling fan, wiping Daniel's shirt, too. "You know we can't do shit around other people!"

He looked pissed and wasn't gentle in cleaning them up, but Daniel caught sight of his member before he tucked it back into his pants, just as soft and sated as he was.

* * *

The walls of the trailers in Away weren't as thick as they looked.

He heard Joan all the time singing along to old songs he didn't recognize, David talking on the phone to either a girl named Chloe or someone named Max, and Arthur and Stanley laughing together behind their closed door. Once, when he was out playing alone when he should have been inside waiting for dinner, he heard Stanley panting "Oh, God" over and over, and knew enough to walk back and stay inside for the night.

"You've known about it?" he heard today from Karen's trailer. He carried on watering her plants while he eavesdropped. There wasn't anything else to listen to on a quiet morning in the desert, anyway.

"I mean," Sean answered. "Yeah. I guess I did."

"Have you talked to him?"

Daniel glanced back to the trailer and waited, but no one said anything for a long time. It was clear they were talking about him. As much as Sean and their mom tried to hide it, he knew things were getting worse. They might have to leave soon, and when they did, they might never be able to return.

"Sean. This isn't something you can just... hope goes away on its own."

"I know."

"Has he ever tried to... act on these-"

"No. No." Daniel waved back to Joan across the dusty yard when she came out of her trailer and stretched to the sun. "He doesn't. It's just... It's hard for him. Right now. I didn't really wanna-"

"I don't care how hard it is. You're all he's had, and you need to have this talk. I understand it's not my place anymore, after the choice I made, but if you don't, I will."

"No. No... I can. We'll talk. I swear."

They went silent again. Daniel set his mother's watering can back in its place by the table.

"I know it's hard for both of you," he heard Karen say. "You're too young to be a father."

Sean took so long to respond that Daniel got bored of waiting and left to say hi to Joan.

* * *

"I saw Arthur and Stanley kissing the other day."

He thought Sean would be interested, but the look he got made him feel dumb.

Sean was doing that thing again; frowning every time he thought Daniel couldn't see his face. Daniel frowned, too, and threw a tan rock off the edge of the canyon using his powers. The way down was so long, he never heard it hit the ground.

"You know it's normal for people in love to kiss, right?"

"Duh. They just reminded me of us, that's all."

Sean crouched over his bag with his back turned. "We're brothers, Daniel... Not really the same as that."

"Whatever," he muttered, pouting. "Can we wish on a shooting star? If we see one?"

Sean unrolled their sleeping bags a safe distance from the ledge. "Relax, man. Your attention span is in the negatives right now."

"Nuh-uh!" He threw another rock over Sean's head with telekinesis as he set up their borrowed telescope. "Mom and Joan said I was doing awesome today."

"Awesome at doing... nothing at all."

"Shut up! I helped Mom with her garden. And Joan with choosing paint!"

"Wow, superhero." Sean smiled, for once, looking up. "I'm sooo impressed."

His hair had grown longer the way that Daniel loved: long enough to shape that loose, handsome curl on his forehead, but not as long as when Cassidy and Finn were dying to give it a trim. It was perfect, he thought, struck by the colors of the sunset across the canyon. For once, everything felt perfect.

"Can't we just stay here?" He sprawled down on his stomach, hands under his chin. "Cops won't find us. Let's just make this our new home."

He stretched out, pulled Sean's backpack over by a strap, and dug for his sketchbook, kicking his legs in the air. The first page he flipped to was their rules for Ship, Captain, Crew. It's pairing page bore a sketch of him dressed as a pirate and Mushroom with an eye patch on.

"Enano," Sean sighed, joining him on his stomach and scooting close until their arms touched. Daniel flipped to another page of a deer-boy in a hoodie smoking a cigarette. "You know the only place we'll be free for real. Puerto-"

"Lobos, I know. I know."

They left everything behind so often. Daniel wondered if they'd ever have to do that to each other, more so than they'd done in the past.

"I know what I wanna wish on the falling star," he mentioned, flipping back in the book to an earlier page. It was a sketch of him in their stolen tent with Mushroom. A short paragraph scrawled how he "broke some stuff around the house trying to use his power."

"You sure you wanna tell me?" Sean teased. "It might not come true."

"I know it'll come true." He looked to Sean and found him looking back. They were close enough to feel each other's breath. Daniel's wish changed ten times in five seconds. "I-I'll wish..." It changed another hundred times in the instance it took Sean to blink. "I'll wish we stay the wolf brothers," he forced himself to settle on. "Forever."

A spell of silence passed in which Sean studied his face so intently that he had to look away. He flipped to a sheet of notebook paper stuffed between the sketchbook pages that showed a birthday cake with ten candles drawn under the date of his birth.

"Then I wish that your wish won't come true." He glared over, but Sean was smiling. "Because I said it out loud, now _my_ wish won't come true." Sean's arm bumped his. "Which means yours will happen no matter what."

He smiled back and giggled, wanting to tell Sean how stupid that was, but acted on impulse and pressed a messy kiss to the corner of his mouth, instead.

"Daniel. Wait." He hated that tone. Sean used it when they spoke of Dad, or his powers, or all the mistakes they'd made. He didn't get why Sean was using it now. "Listen. We have to talk. About a lot."

"About the police?" he guessed based on the conversation he'd overheard through the trailer.

"Mom wanted me to take you out here, so we would be alone. So we could talk. About us."

He nodded and looked back to Sean's sketches, fighting a wave of dread. "Okay."

"We've come a long way from Seattle, enano. It's still my job to protect you no matter what. Even if it hurts. And even if it's from me. Because I love you more than anything. Okay?"

"I know, Sean... Why are you talking like this?"

"You know what-" Sean's voice broke. He cleared his throat and tried again while Daniel kept staring down at the page. The graphite bled together until it became one big mess. "You know what we do? The stuff we do together sometimes that's different from what other brothers do."

Daniel nodded, feeling all of a sudden like he was going to cry.

Sean took a deep breath. "One day, when you're older, you're gonna look back at all this. And you'll understand."

"What do you mean?" he played dumb, heart breaking. "Stop."

Sean did stop. He looked up and watched the sky for a while. Daniel stared at the same drawing until he'd memorized every detail.

"Never mind,” Sean said suddenly. “Never mind. Forget I said anything."

It was hard to forget when it was all Daniel could think of. A tear dripped from his lashes and blotted the page.

His brother wiped his cheek and told him he was sorry, then wrapped an arm around his shoulders and said so again. He let Sean roll him onto his back and get on top of him. Let him grab his hand and entwine their fingers. His heart shook like the world was ending. Sean's hand shook like he felt the same.

Deep down, he understood what Sean meant. But he pretended he didn't and let himself be kissed on the warm, hard stone.

He would be kissed again soon, in their mother's truck on the edge of the U.S.-Mexico border, surrounded by police and guns, sobbing his eyes out and begging Sean to make everything stop.

But then didn't matter. Only here. Only now.

Now, Sean lied over him and pressed their foreheads together. Now, he told a story of two wolf brothers who would do anything for each other, even say things they didn't mean and do things they knew were wrong.

"Why?" Daniel whispered.

"Because they were in love," Sean told him.

The sky dimmed until it was dark enough to wish on falling stars. Sean knelt until his kneecaps were sore on the stone, but the thighs of his little brother were soft enough to make up for the pain. He froze in his tracks because it wasn't supposed to be like this, like how he froze over his dead father and the man who'd shot him because that wasn't how life was supposed to be.

"We don't have a condom," Daniel worried, bare as the day Karen gave birth to him.

It was said quiet, childish, and cute, and made Sean's hips buck against him, because even though it wasn't supposed to be like this, this was how it was.

"We don't need one," he said, then instantly regretted it, like how he regretted allowing Daniel to peel his hoodie off minutes earlier. "But we gotta be extra careful without one. Got it?"

"Really?" His excitement eased the weight of the world crushing Sean's back. "Are you gonna... Can I be on top this time, too?"

Daniel sat up without waiting for an answer, so Sean held him and rolled them over. They both weren't quite hard until the youngest straddled his lap and rolled his hips to rub them together.

"Does it feel good?"

Sean didn't know how to tell him this was the only thing that's felt good in a while.

It felt better when he sank down and took Sean inside him for the second time in his life, poorly-prepped and wincing, but making short little high-pitched groans. His hands were balled into fists against his brother's stomach, face screwed up in pain. He only made it past the tip before he muttered ouch and paused, so Sean reached down to stroke him and hoped that it helped.

"We can stop."

"No." Daniel's arms strained to bear his weight. He fell another inch and made another small noise of both pleasure and pain. "Whenever we do stuff, it feels good." He sank down more. Sean's hand stilled around him. "And my chest feels really warm. And it makes me happy. So I don't wanna stop..."  
  
It was a child's innocent explanation of love. The same child who pressed down until his brother was deep inside him, then squirmed in his lap and started to bounce.

"I don't care if it burns, Sean," he panted, arms failing to hold himself up. Sean hugged him against his chest when he fell and rocked his hips to do the work for him. "I don't want you to care, either."

The night air cooled their sweat. The moon rose clear across the canyon. He could feel Daniel wet and hot, pre-cum smearing against his stomach. Daniel pushed on him, sitting up again, and Sean held his hands tight and supported his weight when he started to bounce, determined to fuck himself on his brother, to be on top like he wanted.

"Yeah," Sean praised, as lost as he was, "Just like that..."

Daniel melted under his voice and was less bouncing than rubbing against him, head thrown back, panting into the night air. Sean never got a chance to warn him to pull off. He came at the sight of his little brother so desperate to ride him and filled him until it dribbled back out. Daniel paused as if he felt the warmth, closed his eyes as if he cherished it, then came seconds later on Sean's chest without being touched.

"Y-You're hurting my hands!" he cried as soon as he could speak again. Sean released them from a vice grip, disturbed he hadn't noticed how hard he was squeezing sooner.

"Sorry," he said, for everything. He lied flat and stared up at the inky black above them. A twinkle of light shot briefly across it. "Sorry..."

"Ow... My arms hurt... Ugh, gross..." Daniel complained to himself in the edge of Sean's vision, pulling off and crawling to lie beside him. "You were wrong. We should have used a condom."

"Sorry," Sean said again.

"Sean?" Daniel got up on an elbow and peered down into his face. "Is everything okay? Did I... do something wrong?"

The worry in his voice sounded like a little boy in a cabin half a year ago, struggling with his body and with himself. A little boy who wanted to understand. Who wanted to be loved. Sean looked at that little boy and smiled.

"Everything's fine, enano," he swore. It was the second-to-last lie he'd tell before promising Daniel that everything was fine while they sat and stared death in the face at the border. "It's fine. I promise. You didn't do anything wrong."

* * *

"He’s cute, huh? Look at those chubby cheeks!"

Esteban pinched the baby’s cheek. His seven year old son adjusted the bundle in his arms.

"His eyes are so big!"

"He looks just like you. A true Diaz! Look, mijo. He's looking at you. Say hi, Daniel... It’s your hermano y papi. Te amamos. ¡Mira!"

"Mira aquí, hermanito. ¡Aquí!"

"Aw, look at that. You excited to be a big brother?"

"Yes!"

"Do you love him?"

"Mhmm!" Sean hugged the baby close and grinned up. "I love him a lot!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while to write this because of the holidays.
> 
> I was going to write a Blood Brothers ending, but it hurt too much. Then I was going to write a Redemption one, and it hurt even more. Basically in BB, they say fuck it and keep living in sin at their repair shop in Mexico, even if it is messing them both up and trapping them in co-dependency. In Redemption, Sean gets out of jail, feels guilty about what he did to Daniel as a child, and even though Daniel forgave him over the years and still loves him, they are never quite able to recapture what they had.
> 
> Anyway, life is sad, and so am I.
> 
> Shoutout to [Between Nightmares](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetweenNightmares/pseuds/BetweenNightmares) and their [fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21295973) based on this one.


End file.
